My Blog

while ‘trying’ to study for our finals tomorrow, i watched the video our professor had shown us during one of his lectures. it’s about Steve Jobs giving a speech to a graduating batch in stanford…and something he said got me distracted. (too distracted that i had not gone back to studying yet after 4 hours. haha!)

he said that ‘death is one of life’s greatest inventions’. it gave him the courage to take risks.  ”remembering that you are going to die is the best way i know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. ”

he wakes up every morning and asks himself: if today were the last day of my life, would i want to do what i’m about to do today? and whenever the answer had been no for too many days in a row, he knew something was wrong.

then i asked myself the same question…and i just could not say yes. things don’t seem right. nor do they feel right. but it’s so frustrating because it feels that i’m stuck. i guess i never really wanted-wanted this…but back then, i didn’t know what i wanted. i had to simply make a decision. my heart was never excited, but as it turned out to be not so bad, i had just let things flow. i accepted whatever came, until finally, i had fooled myself into thinking that this was the path im meant for.

but on days like these when i see others doing what they really want to do, i can’t help but hear my heart. why can i not do the same?

someday, i will be able to follow my heart, too. it will be liberating. it will be fun. and maybe then, when i will need my brain to focus, it will. i can’t wait.

it has certainly been ages since my last post. i actually already forgot i had a blog. well, here i am, revisiting the many memories kept safely in the previous posts.

i can’t help but miss the old days. it’s so different now. i can’t say life was better then. life is really good now, too. but looking back, i kind of think time had passed too quickly. i’m more than halfway through college when high school still seems like yesterday. 

i miss wearing my uniform. i miss sitting on the floor with friends waiting for the guard to call my name. i miss my friends.

now, we’re on different paths. hopefully, we’re all on the track we’re supposed to be on. hopefully, we’re all truly happy. some of us will become nurses soon. some will study more to become doctors. some, engineers, architects, business people, artists, etcetera. it’s amazing how we all were simply praying so hard to pass algebra or filipino.

this is now. we are changed individuals. we need to be more responsible, independent, serious, smart…there are so many things we are already capable of doing by ourselves. it’s crazy. but God knows how we’d long to go back to when we can be dependent, irresponsible, incapable, carefree and ignorant…because then, there wasn’t much we needed to think about…nor had we so much to look back on and miss. we had our whole lives ahead of us…now, we’re tasting life bit by bit. every choice is tied with greater consequences. every mistake creates larger dents. every fall hurts so, so much more. we actually already have to think for our future because it’s coming very soon…and it isn’t just ‘okay, i’ll settle with this for now until i can really decide’ anymore. we have to make serious life decisions…by ourselves!

but how am i supposed to do that when choosing between a green or purple pen is already hard enough? sigh, i miss how i could put myself in the unthinkingness state. being alone in my room makes me think too much!

gulay, it’s been the longest time…

mehn, i don’t have anything to write about. haha…:)

hai, summer’s halfway through…tsk tsk tsk. bad.

okay, time to sleep…so tomorrow i can eat and watch tv…and the sleep again. haha…i love summer.

my nails are red. scarlet. i do such things when i can’t find anything else to do. actually, i’ve painted them several colors before. i’ve tried white, (which i preferrably call "white ink galore" since my nails look as if they’re dipped in white ink. haha), white with purple stars (or as many commented, asterisks?! haha), pearly white and many, many others that lasted for 5 minutes on three fingernails. yep. sometimes, it’s either that or playing fate cards…or both. playing fate cards uses lots of my time too. (and many others’..haha!) but really, this allows us to think outside the box, to imagine, to be creative! char!..well, it’s just simply fun…and it keeps us hoping even when its obviously completely toatally hopeless. haha.

so, what do we girls love to do when there aren’t anything else that could be worthy of occupying our tired and already short-attention-spanned minds?! we paint our nails red on fate cards night.

and boy, there’s no stopping us then! alavsit!

one percent a day. that wouldn’t be difficult, or so i thought. i mean, letting go of one out of a hundred per day couldn’t be that impossible, right?! well, it’s been two or three weeks from when i began the countdown. guess what, i’m still at 93%. hahaha. well, i was at 85…but then came oct 12…and how can i not add points?! it is, after all a significant day…if not for the world, for me…

hahaha…:) and oh, i have to add.. before i knew the significance of Oct 12, things already turned out quite well for me that day. i guess the heavens knew i had to be happy just so the celebration would match my mood…

I must say, this was the icing on an already sweet cake. or better yet, this is what made the whole entire sweet cake!hahaha.

p.s. okay, today i start counting down again…92% oh well, who said anything can last forever…

why was juliet so crazy about romeo? why did she allow herself to fall for him when she knew she couldn’t have him? seriously, does love go that far everytime? shouldn’t love have limits at all? if it does, is it death then…is death the limit of love? and what about soulmates? are we all supposed to find just ‘the one’ in this world of six billion people? why do we have to risk a lot? is love about fate? or destiny? can one learn to love? can one unlearn it? when is enough enough? did juliet have to die to be with romeo…or romeo for juliet?

hmmm…i don’t need to know the ending although i already know…still, i’d like to think that the story ended in a happier mood. but a happy ending isn’t enough to tell a love story, is it? right now, i don’t think love even is. so, did romeo love juliet at all? well if he did, i wish he fought harder for her. but what the heck, juliet loved romeo. someday, i just hope i don’t get too crazy to die for someone i can’t even have. love is too complicated to think about, so as for now…let’s just say, i’ve mastered the art of unthinkingness. haha. ’til the time comes when best friend in law becomes the real best friend in law, i’ll be in dreaming mode…thinking of happy endings then erasing them in my mind over and over and over again…

crissa, i will share my soulmate with you. haha.

mimi, you are equally as corny. haha.

cristy, both sides. aw, wala diay ka ni.ask? making sure lang. haha.

france, coco chicken or choco chicken? haha.

pia, bless you for inviting the most plipax people. haha.

cole, you are..hmmm… yes, you are. same to you. haha.

kevin, waha. end. haha

trix, spoke. haha

floyd, cutie cutie.

tida and tido, let’s stop and smell the flowers.

guys, i’ve had enough lip-stomach movement. really, the happiness from that day would last me at least 50 years. after that, my mouth could not possibly close itself. even if i’d be talking, it will still be in laughing mode. woohoo, and i thought i was around smart, intelligent, dignified, educated people…hahaha! oie, i still have my twig baya…

hahai, if i fill this with memories…i’d run out of oxygen before finishing this post. hahaha.

see posters and print-ads for more details…meaning, see nicole’s/pia’s/mimi’s blog. hahaha

*it is when I have these moments that I realize how good this life can be. exactly why i should bless God…right pi?! weow, i love you people.

p.s. soulmate, out there i think you are wait. look inside mirror and see face of you. if you thinks you are handsome a little, then it is fine to come here. if not at all handsome even very tiny bit of handsomeness, nevermind come. i knows you have soulmate out there somewhere else to waits for you to go there. but know that i will alway save a heart with place for you. tik cer.

wahahahaha!:) i love you guys! muwahhh with lots of twiginess.

birds. i loathe them.

i woke up as sunlight filled the room. it was a good sleep, at least 9 hours of beauty rest. of course i already expected the bird to fly all over the room!not. gosh, the sight of it made me run to the bathroom in less than a second. i bet that birdy didn’t even see me run. *poof, and i’m nowhere! call me weird, but obnoxious birds freak me out…a lot. so there i was, peeking through the little opening which i so often closed each time the bird wanted a new parking place. haha. mimi was still in slumber. she looked so serene, i didn’t want to wake her for it…but i knew better. she, like me, is freaked out easily. so, i called out her name ever so softly as not to trigger any crazy reaction from the bird. i told her the whole story..well, it wasn’t really difficult to narrate it. i just said.."mi, naa’y bird." and *poof. so there we were. both inside the bathroom, hiding from this little birdy that couldn’t at all stop flying. gosh, for a while there, i thought birds were invicible. don’t they ever get tired of flapping their wings..or shall i say hands?! haha. i had nothing else to do but run to get help. (haha, murag unsa bah.) finally, i was out of the room. ate went into the room to conquer the impossible, and in no time mimi was out of the CR too.

ha, you think it ended there, did you? i thought so too…but just as i calmed myself after that, there was another bird inside the house. i couldn’t go downstairs because it was in the way. trying to escape, it banged itself several times on the glass window. i guess, the window was so clean, it could only see the vast sky beyond it. hahaha. ate let it free after 2 more hide-and-seeks with us.

okay, so that was how my morning went. after that, i enjoyed a cheesy scrambled egg and the rest is too boring to tell.

i loathe birds. no offense to other birds who mind their own businesses. actually, birds that fly far away from me are my friends. them, i love. haha.

there’s nothing else to do. its late and i’m quite ‘fascinated’ with this thing called boredom. haha. there aren’t any good shows. but jay’s interviewing chris from american idol…that could be exciting except that the tv is on mute. i don’t understand a single joke. i just saw jay giving him a set of false teeth after spinning a colorful wheel. i didn’t understand why either. gosh. haha. Now comes tom cruise. ooh…and they’re laughing…and laughing. i’m sooo tempted but i can’t turn on the volume. everyone’s asleep except mimi and i. here’s what i know, tom’s on the show for his movie mi3. i got that! woohoo for me! haha. tan tan tan tan…tananan tananan tananan tanan….haha. oh, they just shook hands. is the show over? …no, they just taking a short break….hmmm….

okay, they’re back. who’s that? oh, michelle rodriguez. nice hair! nice pants too. they laugh…tom joins in the conversation…they laugh…why?! don’t ask me! haha.

i don’t care much about the musical guests. i don’t know them. haha. so, what else is there to do?! MINESWEEPER. i can’t do intermediate yet! haha, loser. geez, i can’t find something else tempting enough to do than to make the volume louder. haha. crazy thought: does jay leno ever have boring days? has he ever ‘minesweeped’? i can switch lives. i’d love to interview tom or george or paul or johnny or jake or heath….haha. or, i can interview oprah! that would be fun. haha. then i’d be on tv while jay concentrates on his minesweeper, tempted to turn on the volume. on second thought, i wouldn’t want to switch places. i love my life. although his might be more lively and fun..that’s for sure. haha. i love my family, my plipax friends, my dreaming modes, summer rains, blogging, watching mute shows, tan tanan’s….haha. nah, i wouldn’t switch lives. i’m enjoying too much.

life isn’t so bad to me after all. seeing that yellow smiley turn into a frown after clicking the wrong square becomes annoying after some time, but what the heck…i’m loving the life. so come on boredom, you’ve got to do better than this if you want me to quit life. try jay, maybe you could get him to play minesweeper for a change. haha.

P.S.  gosh guy. you don’t have to cry this much. the drizzle took my attention already.  you didn’t have to bawl a bagyo out of those cute dreamy eyes. you’ll just get more morning stars. haha.

p.p.s.  here’s something to cheer you up. "close your eyes, dry your tears…you’ll be safe here." oops, did i just make you cry harder. (yabaga jud diay nko oie! haha. pait) don’t worry, at least we’re under the same moon. (drama! haha!..)

hai, i love this summer!

oops. five ‘happy losers’ are actually posted on my blog. shox, kaloser nko oie! bwahaha.

hai, i don’t know whether i should be sad or happy, crazy or calm, hyper or tired!whoo. my plipax mind can’t think straight. this is too complicated. haha! it’s may 11. my superduper guy (char!) left for manila today. i thought i’d see him at the airport, but i didn’t. haha. i wished i would. God knows how one particular person actually prayed for our meeting. gosh, apilon lagi ang wind! haha. it’s raining, although it’s still summer. this is a sign, really. i know these drops are his tears. he misses me too much. i don’t just think it, i know it! (ah, murag unsa!haha) it’s either that or he’s crying because of the bruises and scratches we’ve caused him. haha…unintentionally. but no, that couldn’t be…he’s not chuva..so i don’t think he’d cry over itsy bitsy teeny weeny little yayay’s.hahaha.

hai…the house is quiet now. i’m not particularly liking it…the silence is deafening. i guess my ears adapted to the noise before…and while my eardrums expanded willingly then, they aren’t shrinking fast enough now. haha. i actually enjoy watching pbb when other plipax people get kilig with me. good for those whose lolos chikka..haha. anyhow, i didn’t get too sad from their departure. i had better things to do than frown. my thumb was busy typing tan tanan’s on my phone…and well, my mind was too confused whether those tan tanan’s which were sent to me were to be processed. hahaha. who would have known guessing tunes would actually be so very, very, very disturbing! joke. haha.

i’m glad i made it through this day. my hopes went up and down several times…and i’m glad it’s zero now..at least it’s stable.haha. there’s nothing to be sad about though. i’m contented with breathing the same air and stepping on the same grounds with him for one day. the thought that we aren’t too far way from each other…didn’t contribute to the happy feeling (haha.)…but of course, it adds to the drama.."we were so near…yet so far…(stare at stars)" haha!:) toink. oops, i think i just made him stumble again. haha. maybe i’ll never see him sing again. probably, i’d never even see him ever again. so what, dreaming isn’t so bad. after all, i make the endings of my fairytales. that case, i can go see his concert for free…front row seat pa jud! then, there’ll be dinners and blah blah blah…:) haha…ay, i’ll be bringing someone along diay in case i go a-fainting! haha.:)

gosh, when will this rain ever stop. i wish it will soon, or else there will be too much muta to handle. eek, major turn off! haha.